The Journey to My Self-Paced, Do-It-Yourself MFA
41 and just surviving
When my therapist told me she was taking maternity leave in the spring of 2021, I knew something had to give. I was already having a stressful time with work, a heartbreak rooted in past trauma and other traumas that decided the COVID-19 pandemic was a perfect time to resurface. I was one of the lucky ones to be able to work remotely, but the workload increased immensely as I dealt with new scheduling for programs. It seemed to be the perfect storm. I was questioning where I was in life and if this was the path I should continue on I was (am) unhappy at my company, my personal life wasn’t how I thought I would be, and I wasn't pursuing any of my passions.
The last time my therapist took a leave (for her Ph.D.) I disregarded her suggestions and my mental health suffered. I could feel the wave of panic starting to grow. I needed a plan.
This time—in addition to a referral to another psychologist that I did end up using—I set out to be proactive in developing a strategy to make my life more bearable. My Virgo side took over. I started journaling as a way to cope with all my thoughts. But my journaling always turned into a boring diary entry of: “I went to work again (sad face). I had a really yummy sandwich for lunch. I read some more before bed.”
I wanted to get my feelings on the page but kept coming across a stumbling block. I decided to turn to Eventbrite to see if I could find a workshop on journaling. I had only used Eventbrite for work, so this was new territory. As my therapist says, I need to celebrate the small steps, and I was proud of my bravery in jumping right in.
There were A LOT of classes on journaling, writing, and poetry. As most things were moving online due to COVID-19, I was overwhelmed with the choices. I signed up for a bunch of journaling workshops (including a few on creative writing and poetry) that worked with my schedule.
It was in poetry and free-writing that I was able to express what I was feeling and going through. After a while, instead of writing poetry that I thought people wanted to hear, I started writing whatever came up for me. The writing prompts from each workshop I attended really helped me narrow down my ideas. I didn’t know if what I was writing was “good” but I truly didn’t care. I was writing for myself and my mental health. In that authenticity, I started to move toward wanting to learn craft (which could make my writing stronger).
By that fall, I realized I was actually doing a do-it-yourself MFA.
To MFA or Not to MFA?
This is not an article to talk you out of getting a Masters in Fine Arts or a pro/cons list. I have not received an MFA. I now know many poets who have received a MFA or are in the middle of one, and they’re amazing. I could not say 100% I would never get an MFA in the future.
But for many writers, an MFA isn’t a good option, either due to finances, timing, academic challenges, and so on. With all that was going on in my life, and not being a good academic student, this was the right path for me. maybe it can work for you too.
What, Like It's Hard?... Actually, It Was For Me
I have a Bachelor of Arts, a joint major of Psychology and Sociology (with a lot of courses in history). I loved the lectures and discussions in class, but when it came to essays and tests, I was horrible. Whether it was because of my anxiety, ADHD, or just not being a good student, I don’t have the greatest GPA. Honestly, things have not changed much. I love doing articles for The Poetry Lab, but I cannot actually get them in on time and perfectly written. I have every intention to do it early and have it all revised…but rarely do I ever do that. I need deadlines and accountability but I also need to be tricked that it’s due sooner than it is. I work in education, in post-secondary, and I believe education is important. But no educational model fits all students. I know that more traditional academic settings don’t fit me. I often feel like I’m not smart enough, and do not belong among the other intellectuals.
I had thought about applying for a MFA, but the knots in my stomach combined with nausea had me thinking it was too much for me right now. I didn’t want to be a professor/teacher, so the diploma wasn’t something I needed.
I sat down and wrote a list of what I wanted from poetry and writing. I knew I wanted to learn all I could from books, teaching artists, and peers. I wanted to write, read/perform my poems and be in community. I then wrote how I could go about doing those things. Looking at my list I realized I was already doing most of the things!
I wanted to write this article because it was The Poetry Lab, mostly in classes with Danielle and Kelsey, where I really started my journey.
So you like writing, and poetry is your jam…what’s next?
1) Take ALL the classes!
The best way to get started is to just get started. I would recommend taking free and low cost workshops to start. (If you’re a BIPOC poet like me, check to see if there are scholarships that you can use if cost is a barrier). I found The Poetry Lab on Eventbrite after another workshop I attended recommended them. (For those curious, I registered for a BrainTrust taught by Danielle Mitchell as my first workshop with The Poetry Lab).
Make an Eventbrite or Meet Up account and use keywords like “poetry” “writing” “creative writing workshops” to see what is being offered (I find taking virtual classes allow me to meet more people, and get more perspectives). Public libraries are a great resource as most programming is free, or will host low cost classes.
Don’t forget to Google “poetry workshops” and see what is out there, and also on social media platforms.
And of course, head over to The Poetry Lab’s events page and see what we have going on or upcoming events/courses!
2) Build Community
While you are taking all these classes, get to know the other attendees and the facilitators/teachers. One way is sharing/asking for socials to keep in touch. Make comments in their posts to engage in conversation.
If the facilitators/teachers are a part of an organization, do some research on how that organization can help you. Do they offer courses/workshops, host events, have volunteering opportunities, book clubs, open mics, social events, podcasts, etc.?
Another plus for social media is that you can look for peers/classmates/teaching artists/teachers/favourite poets/poetry orgs/publications and presses. You can check out who they are following to see what you might be interested in.
Honestly, the best way to meet fellow poets and mentors is through these “networking” strategies After attending a couple of BrainTrusts and getting to see Danielle and Kelsey’s personalities, I decided to research a bit about The Poetry Lab. I went on their website and socials and saw what other people were saying about them and who followed them (and vice versa).
3) Develop Your “Syllabus”
When I became interested in the craft of poetry, I started out reading authors I admired, and those who wrote about similar issues to what I was interested in. My plan had been to soak in knowledge by reading.
What it did for me was inspire a list of craft questions:
How do you know when to break lines?
Why are some lines broken in the middle of a sentence?
Do italicizing and quotation marks mean the same thing?
How important is punctuation?
How do I use white space on the page?
I then looked for books that would help me answer those questions. I also asked those same questions to teaching artists, peers, etc to get different perspectives.
Other than poetry collections, magazines, anthologies, and online resources craft books have been a big help for me.
Mary Oliver’s A Poetry Handbook is a great short but abundant start. Check out other craft books we recommend. I have always been a library lover, especially with the amount that I read, and books weren’t always affordable for me. I was especially happy to have libraries during my journey. Benefits of using the library:
It took the pressure off of regret and/or guilt of buying something
I could get as many books as I wanted
The library catalogue is a fantastic tool for recommendations based on your reading choices
The library catalogue has filters so you can find some new titles and poets, as well as the subject of collections or country of an author. I sometimes put holds on books with pretty covers, great titles or a blurb written by an author I like
Librarians are also superheroes at helping you find resources
Libraries also have tech that you can borrow, if you are not able to get something (ie: laptops, eReaders, etc). Often internet access is free, and also have desktops to use
Lastly, if there is a book you have to read but cannot afford or a book you think should be in your library’s collection you can suggest a purchase
4) Other Resources & Assignments
Join a book club—even if it’s not focused on poetry collections. A book club is a great resource in learning how to speak about reading and writing in a group setting and looking at manuscripts for more than plot. It will also help you gain another type of community and meet people with different interests. Eventbrite and your local library are good places to start looking. And if you can’t find a book club that feels right, you can always start one of your own. Or join The Poetry Lab’s BookBash!
For me, setting up the BookBash at The Poetry Lab was an important part of my journey and a great way to learn. In the six months BookBash has existed, my confidence level in speaking about poetry has increased tremendously. Being a beginner, I often feel like I am not smart enough to enter conversations, or that I might say the wrong thing. Being in a group where the knowledge level is mixed, I was able to dip my toes in and get encouragement from others to keep speaking. Listening to others speak, I have gained more perspective than just reading on my own. We make sure there’s a mix of resources and discussion questions so that you’re not going in alone.
Look for virtual or in-person open mics as a way to practice reading your poetry in public, speaking in public and as another way to meet people and find your next favourite poet. Set up your camera or voice memo for practice. Listen to your pacing, enunciation, and how long each poem is.
Lastly, podcasts are a great resource as you commute to work/home, attend to chores, or before bed. Listening to other poets and writers talk about craft can be a way to learn, engage and find more resources.
5) Join Writing Groups
Writing groups are going to be your best tool for writing. Writing groups are great for accountability and scheduling time to write. I have joined some writing groups (writing sprints) where you meet virtually once a month and just write in silence for an hour. I love that it’s automatically scheduled, and I feel like I have that hour for just writing (or planning and submitting work) without distractions of life. I attend groups where we are given a prompt, some time to write and then we read our unedited just written pieces. This was a great way for me to shed my shyness about sharing and help me practice performing. As you meet people you can start your group with a structure that works for you.
As I started to build my confidence and a body of work, I then had to do the hardest thing: join feedback workshops. It’s a scary concept. I had taken some creative writing courses in college, and they were not always the kindest. Once I got over my initial fear, and saw how safe The Poetry Lab made its space with clear and compassionate guidelines, I opened my heart to feedback. It was great having poets make suggestions on what could be stronger, what they loved, and what they didn’t quite understand. This meant I could revise this poem to a better state and be one step closer to submitting my work publication.
I won’t be getting too deep into submitting in this article as submitting was not something I was interested in at first. Submitting became a goal later into my journey. I had some pieces published in online magazines before 2021, but I was very centered on getting accepted.
Through years of therapy I have learned rejection can trigger my mental health. When I started writing again, I told myself I was not going to think about submitting my work for publication. When I finally was ready to start to submit again, I set out rules for myself: I would buy a bottle of champagne, and when I heard back I would drink it to either celebrate my first acceptance or rejection to congratulating myself on submitting. I had to rephrase the idea in my head that hearing “no” means I am one step closer to finding my poem its right home.
My best advice before you start to submit is to ask yourself what your goals are, and if you don’t get accepted, what can you do to make it still a positive experience? It might be worth taking a class on submissions (that explains the guidelines and other more nuanced things you learn through experience) or joining a group like Women Who Submit so you can make time for submitting and celebrate with others in taking that step.
ALMOST 43 AND ALMOST THRIVING:
Thanks to The Poetry Lab
When I joined The Poetry Lab in September 2021 as a Collaborative Fellow, I didn't realize how much I would grow as a poet. It was in a Poetry Lab meeting that I first called myself a poet, instead of an “aspiring” or “emerging” poet. It was through mentorship with Danielle and Kelsey that I was able to advance as the Educational Coordinator and be part of the leadership team.
I was able to build and lead workshops, attend many events/workshops, and be a TA for various teaching artists. I was encouraged, celebrated, supported, and taught. We can also be silly within The Poetry Lab team. These experiences shape the kind of poet I want to be in the world and to others. The Poetry Lab taught me that no opportunity was too big for me. If I wanted something, I had to try, and sometimes I got the thing that I never thought I could get.
Last Fall, I applied and was chosen for one of the spots for The Writers' Union of Canada BIPOC: Writers Connect, including a mentorship with poet, writer, and historian Afua Cooper. This year my first prose poem (thanks to The Poetry Lab’s Brick Box Paradox class!) was accepted and featured in Maza Collective Arts anthology. AND it was the first time I was paid! I am happy to say I am a paid poet. I have applied for three more mentorship opportunities that come with grants and continue submitting my work (at a slower but comfortable pace).
These days I am working on two chapbooks and one manuscript and I have so many more ideas in my mind. Again, my goal is not to get published with those projects but to finish them and be proud of what I created.
“One step at a time” has been my own best advice to myself. Doing my own self-paced MFA has helped me in other aspects of my life. It has made me a strong advocate for myself and my needs. It has made me refuse to settle for what comes my way, instead reaching a bit higher. Best of all it has made my community of artists and creatives bigger and stronger with deeper friendships. I volunteer my time, passion, and ideas to The Poetry Lab and in return I have received an education that works for me, skills I never knew I’d love to have, and a community where I can be my eccentric neurotic Virgo/Libra self.
Cheers to that!
This article was published on July 11, 2023. Written by:
